Impetus deviations

Through my lifespan I’ve been very mercurial as to what my goal is, what my impetus in this life is. First, my impetus was having good grades and making my parents proud, an impetus that I attained successfully. Then my impetus were women, jumping from one relationship to another trying to find the one that could comply with my human desires, and I with hers, in which I did found her, lasted for three years, and the relationship came to and end, leaving my impetus lingering in mundane and dark places—places that taught me greatly about human psychology and anthropology. Today, I’ve learned that an impetus must be entrenched, and not volatile. Why? Because time is limited, and the more time you devote to an expertise, activity, person, or idea, the more you refine your aptitude of it, your memory of it, your versatility, interest, and your fondness of it. One might say “you can have multiple impetuses in your life”, and that would be valid, but the more impetuses one has, the less established they are, and what’s worse, the attributes aforementioned also diminish as they become segregated by impetuses: you row towards multiple directions, which leads you stranded in the ocean, never arriving at the lighthouse, just coming closer to it, and eventually running out of time. What’s the point of reaching the lighthouse if this arbitrary experience we call life is so ephemeral? You might ask, and I would respond with the fact that there is no point, there isn’t an ultimate goal to attain, there is no accurate, correct, appropriate, or any other positive adjective alluding to perfection that describes a way of living, or to describe the legacy you must leave after your demise. This answer demoralizes readers, but I see this instead as a reason for upheaval, as a stimulus, an ignition, an impetus that compels you to act—act upon what? Upon the genuine control and enjoyment of this experience we call life.

You won’t be here for long, and there will not be another chance to experience what you are currently experiencing, why not make the best out of it? And if possible, leaving a mark for other humans to reference? Ultimately, we are influenced by the creations, ideas, surroundings, systems, mechanisms, art, ideologies, philosophies, technologies, and concepts derived and materialized by other humans, not only attempting to enjoy your life, but leave a reference for the continuation of our peoplehood as humanity. The way in which one leaves such reference depends on one’s choices, conscious and unconscious, and although there are unconscious choices that we take, there are also conscious ones, in which control is practiced, and whenever one has the chance, such control should not only be understood, but refined actively in order to not only improve one’s situation, but as I said, enjoy this experience that we call life and leave a reference for the future of humanity. What’s best, is that such reference—your creation(s)—will be a reflection of yourself, so not only will you be leaving a reference and something for other people to use, but also a piece of yourself there, a reflection of yourself, a unique and idiosyncratic instance at a particular point of the life of another human: you.