Why do I smoke?

I am an advocate of diversity, dissent, and idiosyncrasy in the human condition. I believe there is no “perfect” or “ideal” human appearance, human behavior, human life or human individual in general. Which, incidentally, makes every human imperfect, as there are no standard perfection criteria. Imperfection is not something negative, it is perhaps a virtuous quality in every single one of us. Like imperfection, we all carry a malady — something negative that hurts us, and at times, inevitably, hurts those around us. This malady is quite idiosyncratic as well, such malady derives not only from our genetic and inheritable tree history, but also from experiences, history, our surroundings, and our peoplehood. Such malady is a byproduct of the injustice, and lack of equity that surrond us. This malady depends and varies on every single one of us, for some this malady is avarice, for others jealousy, egotism, neurosis, racism, manipulation, drug use, crime, classism, and the list goes on. What this malady does is to diminish and hinder some—or even all—human relationships, communication, and behavior shown to others, which inevitably and indirectly hinders our development, and ourselves. However, I believe that this malady cannot be ignored or destroyed, but controlled. This control requires a deep understanding, acknowledgement, and acceptance of such malady first, after that, one has to put a tight rein on it in order to derail it from hurting others near us, thereby hurting ourselves in the process.

Some people use sports, other people use drugs, and perhaps others use religion or another method to waste time, but as long as this malady is controlled and deviated towards a dumpster (somewhere or something not involving other fellow humans), we can leave in peace with people around us, and hence with ourselves. Otherwise this malady will pollute other aspects of our lives, especially the ones involving other fellow humans, which not only impairs us and our development, but the one of those around us, which is unacceptable. We, as humanity, are a team, and ought to be supporting one another constantly and inconditionally—although many disagree... Anyway, that’s another topic, the crux of this article is my malady: smoking. I know smoking is bad, and it destroys part of my cells which leads to diseases in my senior years. Some of these diseases are irreversible and irreparable, especially if one lacks the finance to even attempt to cure it. However, the main reason why I smoke is not only due to its cognitive effects—which sure are a part of the reasoning—but also because it compels me to live in the present. Smoking dismisses the plans for my senior years, for a distant future, for what society calls “retirement”. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy living, I love what I am experimenting as living, I like my life, the people around me, and what I am doing on a daily basis, perhaps it is the activities that I do on a daily basis the reason why I love living so much, the creative and artistic materialization of myself compels me to live life happily and comfortably, however, I don’t plan to retire at all, nor do I plan to live a long time, not because I don't want to, but because I am absentmindedly immersed in my current endeavors that I do not think about my future as a solution to my current situation, I see my present actions as that solution; if I want to do something, attain something, create something, do something, I need to do it now, otherwise when? There will be no “later”, not “save money for this time in the distant future”, or “I’ll do this once I’m done with my current situation”, no, now with smoking, there’s zero chance of that scenario to take place, I need to act now, materialize now, act now, thrive in the present. Ironically, what slowly eats my future self also fuels my present self. Every cigarette is a reminder — there may not be a 'tomorrow.' What kills me, keeps me alive today. The present then becomes the only place where change has a possibility to occur, and the gasoline to ignite change is none other than practice, appliance, creation, direct action above speculation and useless hope.

Call it self-sabotage, sure, call it subtle suicide, sure, call it drastic stupidity, sure, call it whatever you want, I want to call it impetus; Death is now closer, so I better not hesitate, and vehemently act.